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I’ve been buying, selling, and parting bikes for a little over ten years. I’ve bought and sold on Ebay, enthusiast sites like this, and Craigslist. I thought I would put together a list of things I find amusing and may also help you avoid knuckleheads. Feel free to add your own pet peeves to the post.
Feeler Guy - Feeler guy is someone with commitment issues. He typically has a well modded bike and has not yet come to grips with the fact that he isn’t going to get his money back out of it. He can’t decide if he wants to sell the machine he has for something shinier and new or stick with his bike for another riding season. He’s semi-delusional thinking that his “feeler post” will instantly tear possible buyers away from people who have actually set a sale price on their similar machine. Feeler Guy is usually harmless but annoying because his useless post does nothing more than clutters the marketplace posts.
With/Without Price Guy – This guy is quite possibly the most annoying of all online sellers. He, like Feeler Guy, has convinced himself he will recover every dime of his aftermarket parts investment. He’ll sell you the bike bone stock for X or bike + pipe & programmer for Y. What he does not understand is the fancy parts simply make his bike more desirable than a less equipped model at the same price. Avoid With/Without Price Guy if you can. The nickel and dime negotiations aren’t worth it.
Captain Unrealistic – Captain unrealistic paid too much for bike in the first place, ran up credit cards modding it, and usually finishes off the financial disaster by incorporating a paint job or detail kit only he likes. The guy also refuses to research what his bike is worth on the used market. Not only does he scoff at the traders guides, his price is in direct competition with dealers. His bible is Kelley’s Blue Book. He’ll quote directly from it offering the page number on which you can check out the overinflated contrived price for your self. Don’t even bother with this cat. The only he way he is getting out from under his mistake is if you make the same one.
No Picture Guy – Self explanatory, the biggest jack wagon of the internet markertplace…EVER!
Death by Shipping – This guy kills his sales on regular basis because he has not discovered a place called The Post Office. They have this crazy thing called a website where you can get an accurate shipping quote at home, in seconds. We’ve all been there on this one. The search for the specific part you need takes weeks. And when you finally find what you need the bottom falls out on the shipping quote. He draws you in with a fair price and then sends you packing when he gouges you with a five day shipping price that is as much or more than the part. This guy lives mostly on Ebay so steer clear of him.
The Ebay Jumper – The classic pressure sale technique is alive and well in the digital world. I see this constantly in a number of forums. “Buy it now or I’ll take to Ebay! I’ll do it, I Swear! Going once, going twice, you still want it?” The gig is up on this guy. Though Ebay gets you a bigger audience it doesn’t guarantee you bigger profits. Craigslist and enthusiast forums let you list for nothing and do not take a percentage of your sale. The truth is if he could have sold it on Ebay he would have done already. Save the pitch Ebay Jumper, you’ve been exposed.
Mr. Lowball - To understand Mr. Lowball we must first understand the way he thinks. Mr. Lowball is an entitled consumer. His highness has decided he wants what you are selling and that you owe it to him and he will determine the price. Mr. Lowball is in some cases market savvy. He does research and he knows what you bike or part is worth. He’ll throw numbers and particulars out during the negotiation but will always use the following tactic once he has dropped his ridiculous offer on you, and it goes as follows: “I can get what you have for much less somewhere else.” At which time you end the idiocy with, “Then go get it.” You have at this point neutralized Mr. Lowball, and if you are lucky he will get the message and shop elsewhere. Beware, lowballers can be tenacious at times and follow-up calls or emails do nothing but validate your asking price.
Must Sell Guy - The term “Must Sell” to me means you are desperately trying to unload something. The pitch is always the same, leaving for Irag, just divorced, kid on the way, etc. I have never read one of these ads and gotten the impression that the seller actually had to really get out from under something. No one is buying a must go pitch when you are asking at or above fair market value.
Custom Boy - I would like to nominate “custom” as an overused word on par with “love” and the adjective “awesome”. Case in point, taking a hacksaw to the black plastic flap where your license plate goes does not constitute a “custom” undertail. Nor does installing an aftermarket pipe, fancy rearsets, or rim tape. Go buy a welder and make your own frame, that’s custom. Purchase some sheets of carbon and create some one-off body work. That also is custom. I’ll even give credit to a guy that gets a real spray gun and successfully paints his own bike. If I’m reading an ad and I see the word “custom” I automatically assume you are either cheap or you’re covering up something you tried to fix.
The Tire Kicker – The Tire Kicker, aka The Dreamer, comes in two varieties. They are the bike purchaser and the parts purchaser. Though the goal may be different the common thread for the Tire Kicker is the same. He is never going to follow through. If he covets your bike, he will keep you on the phone for thirty minutes debating its intricacies and asking you to recount your happiest moments on it so he can live vicariously through your memories. This is because he is not going to buy it which he will demonstrate at the end of the phone call by describing his “complex money situation”. He’ll check in during and after the sale of the bike and express his condolences for not getting the money in time to purchase it himself. On the parts side he’ll ask you to take additional photos, measure every dimension, and calculate shipping to his zip. Then he’ll disappear after all your hard work. Feel this guy out from the start and save yourself some hassle.
Feeler Guy - Feeler guy is someone with commitment issues. He typically has a well modded bike and has not yet come to grips with the fact that he isn’t going to get his money back out of it. He can’t decide if he wants to sell the machine he has for something shinier and new or stick with his bike for another riding season. He’s semi-delusional thinking that his “feeler post” will instantly tear possible buyers away from people who have actually set a sale price on their similar machine. Feeler Guy is usually harmless but annoying because his useless post does nothing more than clutters the marketplace posts.
With/Without Price Guy – This guy is quite possibly the most annoying of all online sellers. He, like Feeler Guy, has convinced himself he will recover every dime of his aftermarket parts investment. He’ll sell you the bike bone stock for X or bike + pipe & programmer for Y. What he does not understand is the fancy parts simply make his bike more desirable than a less equipped model at the same price. Avoid With/Without Price Guy if you can. The nickel and dime negotiations aren’t worth it.
Captain Unrealistic – Captain unrealistic paid too much for bike in the first place, ran up credit cards modding it, and usually finishes off the financial disaster by incorporating a paint job or detail kit only he likes. The guy also refuses to research what his bike is worth on the used market. Not only does he scoff at the traders guides, his price is in direct competition with dealers. His bible is Kelley’s Blue Book. He’ll quote directly from it offering the page number on which you can check out the overinflated contrived price for your self. Don’t even bother with this cat. The only he way he is getting out from under his mistake is if you make the same one.
No Picture Guy – Self explanatory, the biggest jack wagon of the internet markertplace…EVER!
Death by Shipping – This guy kills his sales on regular basis because he has not discovered a place called The Post Office. They have this crazy thing called a website where you can get an accurate shipping quote at home, in seconds. We’ve all been there on this one. The search for the specific part you need takes weeks. And when you finally find what you need the bottom falls out on the shipping quote. He draws you in with a fair price and then sends you packing when he gouges you with a five day shipping price that is as much or more than the part. This guy lives mostly on Ebay so steer clear of him.
The Ebay Jumper – The classic pressure sale technique is alive and well in the digital world. I see this constantly in a number of forums. “Buy it now or I’ll take to Ebay! I’ll do it, I Swear! Going once, going twice, you still want it?” The gig is up on this guy. Though Ebay gets you a bigger audience it doesn’t guarantee you bigger profits. Craigslist and enthusiast forums let you list for nothing and do not take a percentage of your sale. The truth is if he could have sold it on Ebay he would have done already. Save the pitch Ebay Jumper, you’ve been exposed.
Mr. Lowball - To understand Mr. Lowball we must first understand the way he thinks. Mr. Lowball is an entitled consumer. His highness has decided he wants what you are selling and that you owe it to him and he will determine the price. Mr. Lowball is in some cases market savvy. He does research and he knows what you bike or part is worth. He’ll throw numbers and particulars out during the negotiation but will always use the following tactic once he has dropped his ridiculous offer on you, and it goes as follows: “I can get what you have for much less somewhere else.” At which time you end the idiocy with, “Then go get it.” You have at this point neutralized Mr. Lowball, and if you are lucky he will get the message and shop elsewhere. Beware, lowballers can be tenacious at times and follow-up calls or emails do nothing but validate your asking price.
Must Sell Guy - The term “Must Sell” to me means you are desperately trying to unload something. The pitch is always the same, leaving for Irag, just divorced, kid on the way, etc. I have never read one of these ads and gotten the impression that the seller actually had to really get out from under something. No one is buying a must go pitch when you are asking at or above fair market value.
Custom Boy - I would like to nominate “custom” as an overused word on par with “love” and the adjective “awesome”. Case in point, taking a hacksaw to the black plastic flap where your license plate goes does not constitute a “custom” undertail. Nor does installing an aftermarket pipe, fancy rearsets, or rim tape. Go buy a welder and make your own frame, that’s custom. Purchase some sheets of carbon and create some one-off body work. That also is custom. I’ll even give credit to a guy that gets a real spray gun and successfully paints his own bike. If I’m reading an ad and I see the word “custom” I automatically assume you are either cheap or you’re covering up something you tried to fix.
The Tire Kicker – The Tire Kicker, aka The Dreamer, comes in two varieties. They are the bike purchaser and the parts purchaser. Though the goal may be different the common thread for the Tire Kicker is the same. He is never going to follow through. If he covets your bike, he will keep you on the phone for thirty minutes debating its intricacies and asking you to recount your happiest moments on it so he can live vicariously through your memories. This is because he is not going to buy it which he will demonstrate at the end of the phone call by describing his “complex money situation”. He’ll check in during and after the sale of the bike and express his condolences for not getting the money in time to purchase it himself. On the parts side he’ll ask you to take additional photos, measure every dimension, and calculate shipping to his zip. Then he’ll disappear after all your hard work. Feel this guy out from the start and save yourself some hassle.
