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I’ve been buying, selling, and parting bikes for a little over ten years. I’ve bought and sold on Ebay, enthusiast sites like this, and Craigslist. I thought I would put together a list of things I find amusing and may also help you avoid knuckleheads. Feel free to add your own pet peeves to the post.

Feeler Guy - Feeler guy is someone with commitment issues. He typically has a well modded bike and has not yet come to grips with the fact that he isn’t going to get his money back out of it. He can’t decide if he wants to sell the machine he has for something shinier and new or stick with his bike for another riding season. He’s semi-delusional thinking that his “feeler post” will instantly tear possible buyers away from people who have actually set a sale price on their similar machine. Feeler Guy is usually harmless but annoying because his useless post does nothing more than clutters the marketplace posts.

With/Without Price Guy – This guy is quite possibly the most annoying of all online sellers. He, like Feeler Guy, has convinced himself he will recover every dime of his aftermarket parts investment. He’ll sell you the bike bone stock for X or bike + pipe & programmer for Y. What he does not understand is the fancy parts simply make his bike more desirable than a less equipped model at the same price. Avoid With/Without Price Guy if you can. The nickel and dime negotiations aren’t worth it.

Captain Unrealistic – Captain unrealistic paid too much for bike in the first place, ran up credit cards modding it, and usually finishes off the financial disaster by incorporating a paint job or detail kit only he likes. The guy also refuses to research what his bike is worth on the used market. Not only does he scoff at the traders guides, his price is in direct competition with dealers. His bible is Kelley’s Blue Book. He’ll quote directly from it offering the page number on which you can check out the overinflated contrived price for your self. Don’t even bother with this cat. The only he way he is getting out from under his mistake is if you make the same one.

No Picture Guy – Self explanatory, the biggest jack wagon of the internet markertplace…EVER!

Death by Shipping – This guy kills his sales on regular basis because he has not discovered a place called The Post Office. They have this crazy thing called a website where you can get an accurate shipping quote at home, in seconds. We’ve all been there on this one. The search for the specific part you need takes weeks. And when you finally find what you need the bottom falls out on the shipping quote. He draws you in with a fair price and then sends you packing when he gouges you with a five day shipping price that is as much or more than the part. This guy lives mostly on Ebay so steer clear of him.

The Ebay Jumper – The classic pressure sale technique is alive and well in the digital world. I see this constantly in a number of forums. “Buy it now or I’ll take to Ebay! I’ll do it, I Swear! Going once, going twice, you still want it?” The gig is up on this guy. Though Ebay gets you a bigger audience it doesn’t guarantee you bigger profits. Craigslist and enthusiast forums let you list for nothing and do not take a percentage of your sale. The truth is if he could have sold it on Ebay he would have done already. Save the pitch Ebay Jumper, you’ve been exposed.

Mr. Lowball - To understand Mr. Lowball we must first understand the way he thinks. Mr. Lowball is an entitled consumer. His highness has decided he wants what you are selling and that you owe it to him and he will determine the price. Mr. Lowball is in some cases market savvy. He does research and he knows what you bike or part is worth. He’ll throw numbers and particulars out during the negotiation but will always use the following tactic once he has dropped his ridiculous offer on you, and it goes as follows: “I can get what you have for much less somewhere else.” At which time you end the idiocy with, “Then go get it.” You have at this point neutralized Mr. Lowball, and if you are lucky he will get the message and shop elsewhere. Beware, lowballers can be tenacious at times and follow-up calls or emails do nothing but validate your asking price.

Must Sell Guy - The term “Must Sell” to me means you are desperately trying to unload something. The pitch is always the same, leaving for Irag, just divorced, kid on the way, etc. I have never read one of these ads and gotten the impression that the seller actually had to really get out from under something. No one is buying a must go pitch when you are asking at or above fair market value.

Custom Boy - I would like to nominate “custom” as an overused word on par with “love” and the adjective “awesome”. Case in point, taking a hacksaw to the black plastic flap where your license plate goes does not constitute a “custom” undertail. Nor does installing an aftermarket pipe, fancy rearsets, or rim tape. Go buy a welder and make your own frame, that’s custom. Purchase some sheets of carbon and create some one-off body work. That also is custom. I’ll even give credit to a guy that gets a real spray gun and successfully paints his own bike. If I’m reading an ad and I see the word “custom” I automatically assume you are either cheap or you’re covering up something you tried to fix.

The Tire Kicker – The Tire Kicker, aka The Dreamer, comes in two varieties. They are the bike purchaser and the parts purchaser. Though the goal may be different the common thread for the Tire Kicker is the same. He is never going to follow through. If he covets your bike, he will keep you on the phone for thirty minutes debating its intricacies and asking you to recount your happiest moments on it so he can live vicariously through your memories. This is because he is not going to buy it which he will demonstrate at the end of the phone call by describing his “complex money situation”. He’ll check in during and after the sale of the bike and express his condolences for not getting the money in time to purchase it himself. On the parts side he’ll ask you to take additional photos, measure every dimension, and calculate shipping to his zip. Then he’ll disappear after all your hard work. Feel this guy out from the start and save yourself some hassle.
 

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I agree with all of your peeves and want to add my own.
Mr. "mega-tag" dude: Basically mega dude wants to annoy every would be searcher of specific marques by including every marque ever produced in 110 years of MC mfgring into his "tag" line so that if I'm searching for a part for my KTM dirtbike, his Harley sportser add appears too.:banghead
 

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Panigaliscious
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I simply will not call dealers or individuals that will not list a price.

Another piece of advice is simple: if you are going to list what is unique oe special about the particular model you have, make sure it is correct. How many "Nicky Hayden Edition" RC51s have you seen that is actually a 2002 with the Woody Woodpecker sticker?

Another major pet peeve of mine is jackoffs that state the bike has damage somewhere but the pictures are all of the undamaged side.

Dumbf***s who ask original retail for their two-year old bike with the only "mods" being a scraped exhaust also don't get a call from me. Dealers that list full MSRP on a 2009 leftover gathering dust in their showroom also should have it a few more years.

But my biggest peeve is a shucking and jiving dealer. I can take an ignorant individual seller, but I simply cannot stand a bullshitting or stupid/ignorant dealer. It is their job to know this stuff. I will not tolerate a BS'er for two seconds. Lots of bikes around and I have a car that can drive to the next one.
 

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So very true! :notworthy to you.
I have a friend who lives by the Blue Book and will take offense if the dealer/ prospective buyer offers him a penny less. By "taking offense" I mean calling me up and telling me how all dealers are out there to royally screw you or boring the Hell out of his wife with the same crap.
 

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Mr. Bullhorn. - I hate the guy that uses the ad for selling his old bike as a sounding board for bragging about the new bike he just bought.

"Hate to let her go, but I'm selling my old Nighthawk 250 because I just bought a 2006 'Busa with a custom ICP paint scheme and solid chrome wheels!"
 

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My personal favorite is "Mr. can you fix my bike guy."

Had a 996 for sale a few years ago..advertsied locally. Got a call from a guy...went something like this. (well...not really like this...but not terribly far off.)

"hello."
"Hi, I'm calling about the 996 you have advertsied."....
"yes, thanks for the interest. What would you like to know."
"well, I see it's had quite a few nice mods. You must know quite a bit about them."
"well, I've owned bikes for about 25 years and am fairly comfortable working on my own bikes."
"yes, me too...I'm really handy too. one time my wife bought a lamp at a yard sale that didn't work and I fixed it....had to replace the cord and everything."
"that's nice....what can I tell you about my 996."
"Well, I've got one too and was wondering if you mind if I asked you a couple of questions about mine."
"well really I'm just trying to sell mine."
"Oh no problem, but if you could just help me for a minute, I have a buddy who'd really be interested in yours."
"well actually, I'm just leaving to go shoot myself in the head."
"great....so, I don't ride much, and last week I went to go start 'er up and it wouldn't...so, what do think is wrong?"
"hmmm...could be the flux capacitor."
"really....that's what I was thinking too...does Auto Zone sell those?"
"not sure...hey, thanks for the call."
"wait a second...so if I replace that and it still doesn't start...what should I do?"
"when did you ride it last?"
"about a year and a half ago."
"well then...sometimes even if the flux capacitor is good, the warp core can develop a hardening of the unobtanium thermal shield and result in the sub atomic cold fusion particles not responding to the ignition module."
"WOW....I didn't think of that...can you fix that for me?"
"hey buddy...I'd really like to, but, I just slit both my wrists and I'm getting really cold.....call O.C.C...they're a great Ducati dealer...they'll fix you right up."
"thanks for the help...I'll call you and let you know how it works out."
"thanks for the warning....I'm moving to Iceland tomorrow."


It's happened on about 60% of all the bikes I've sold.
 

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I hate the "taking offers" guy. If you are too lazy to do a little research to find out what fair market value is or you don't care enough to have a price in mind that you'd be happy getting, just don't list it.
 

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Panigaliscious
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I have another one.

"entertaining offers over $5000".

Umm, how about $5000.01?
 

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lidzduc.blogspot.com
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My personal favorite is "Mr. can you fix my bike guy."

Had a 996 for sale a few years ago..advertsied locally. Got a call from a guy...went something like this. (well...not really like this...but not terribly far off.)

"hello."
"Hi, I'm calling about the 996 you have advertsied."....
"yes, thanks for the interest. What would you like to know."
"well, I see it's had quite a few nice mods. You must know quite a bit about them."
"well, I've owned bikes for about 25 years and am fairly comfortable working on my own bikes."
"yes, me too...I'm really handy too. one time my wife bought a lamp at a yard sale that didn't work and I fixed it....had to replace the cord and everything."
"that's nice....what can I tell you about my 996."
"Well, I've got one too and was wondering if you mind if I asked you a couple of questions about mine."
"well really I'm just trying to sell mine."
"Oh no problem, but if you could just help me for a minute, I have a buddy who'd really be interested in yours."
"well actually, I'm just leaving to go shoot myself in the head."
"great....so, I don't ride much, and last week I went to go start 'er up and it wouldn't...so, what do think is wrong?"
"hmmm...could be the flux capacitor."
"really....that's what I was thinking too...does Auto Zone sell those?"
"not sure...hey, thanks for the call."
"wait a second...so if I replace that and it still doesn't start...what should I do?"
"when did you ride it last?"
"about a year and a half ago."
"well then...sometimes even if the flux capacitor is good, the warp core can develop a hardening of the unobtanium thermal shield and result in the sub atomic cold fusion particles not responding to the ignition module."
"WOW....I didn't think of that...can you fix that for me?"
"hey buddy...I'd really like to, but, I just slit both my wrists and I'm getting really cold.....call O.C.C...they're a great Ducati dealer...they'll fix you right up."
"thanks for the help...I'll call you and let you know how it works out."
"thanks for the warning....I'm moving to Iceland tomorrow."


It's happened on about 60% of all the bikes I've sold.
That's funny, right there!!:notworthy
They are all right on the mark.
I think this should be posted permanently in the Classified Section.
 

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I can see we all think the same here... I hate selling bikes. Ride 'em, wreck 'em get new. :)
 

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lol! now this is a funny thread:rockon

I hate the "It's mint guy", you talk to him on the phone, he tells you 'It's better than new', you go out to have a look and the bike looks like it was smack bang in the middle of a nuke strike, "mr it's mint guy" then gets annoyed with you when your not interested.

or

the extremely low km bike, you go for a look and the thing is totally rooted, and even if you were just down right abusive there is no way you could get a bike so f*cked so quickly, this guy also gets annoyed when you tell him you don't think the km's are correct.
 

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I've never understood the "That will buff out" guy....a close relative to the "Can be fixed for next to nothing" guy. Why in the hell doesn't he fix it if it can be fixed so easily? Makes no sense to me...:banghead
 

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Panigaliscious
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On my 851 I have a pretty good scratch from 14 years ago due to a loading ramp mishap on the bottom of one side of the fairing. Can only see it with the fairing off or if you are looking under the bike.

I have not fixed it all this time and doubt I will have it fixed before I sell the bike. My reasoning is that a) it is only original once, even if that means it has a scratch, b) this would lead to more questions about what else was repaired/repainted (the answer is nothing, but buyer might not believe), c) I doubt I would recover the cost of fixing it properly in the sale price of the bike, and d) it is a PITA and I don't want to do it.
 

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You sort of avoided the majority if Assholes who respond to cl ads asking you questions you clearly fuucking answered in your ad. The retarded black and Spanish people who couldn't speak English if their lives depended on it. The retarded rural inbred white folk who don't know how to say "to be", the Assholes who constantly try to trade you worthless shit even though the ad clearly states no trades. Seriously some of the emails I get are the most unintelligible shit possible. The worst are mexicans though. They will ask for your address without giving you info so they can come steal your shit, or if they are actually interested in paying for shit you have to be very clear you won't take less than a certain amount or don't bother coming, because thy will just show up and lowball you on the spot. I do this for a living, 12 hours a day for 10 years. I know what I am talking about. The best policy for keeping asshats away is don't ever let anyone come see anything you are selling unless they talk to you on the phone and will bring cash. No cash, no call, no see. Never had a problem when adhering to such policy.

There are also the guys who sell shit to other people without telling you, and the people that can't be fuucking bothered to read what it says on the item so you can discern what model it is, really? It's right fuucking there on the fuucking thing, just read it to me.

Easy fixers are the funniest though, the shit brained stories they concoct to try and sell you busted shit is usually pretty funny. It's fun to let then run on and on with some bullshit tale and then inform them you know the truth and offer then what their broken shit is really worth. There are also the "you can just go down the the DMV and get a title for it" people, who are almost exclusively easy fixxers, they are just selling something they can't get a title for, and know you can't either hahaha
 
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