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Panigaliscious
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9,103 Posts
Originally I had four riders, Miguel Duhamel was filling in for an injured rider, but pulled in on the parade lap because he didn't feel he was fast enough on the new bike.

My race is red flagged one lap in because Aaron Yates low sides and then lays down on the track so he can restart.

Upon the restart (2 laps remaining) he is taken out by a banzai move from John Hopkins. Both riders go down, Flopkins takes the worst of it. Yates walks over to him writhing in pain on the grass and promptly kicks him in the head and tries to choke him out. Another red flag. Hypekins is unable to continue, while Yates is disqualified. Race control considered letting Yates continue because the grids are so small, but when he was handcuffed and put in the police cruiser they thought whether he was DQ'd or not didn't matter.

This leads to a restart with only one rider and one lap remaining. Colin Edwards a clear track to finally take his first win since 2002 in a motorcycle race. It is not without drama though, as he nearly high sides in the final chicane but holds it together this time to limp across the line.

As this happens, back in the pits as they are loading Little Johnny Diamond into the medivac copter, his ex-girlfriend and roadracing pundit Desiree Crossman is still predicting how Hopkins will still win this race and be MotoGP champion in 2011 at the latest. Motorcyclist magazine is dutifully writing down her words as though they were spoken by the Virgin Mary herself. Cycle World is trying to schedule a match made in overhype heaven: John Hopkins riding the "MotoGP" MotoCzycz in preparation for his title coronation on the C1.

Meanwhile, Edwards is in victory lane and Rossi comes down from the booth to smack his ass for a job well done. Edwards, bursting with arrogant confidence now that he has "kicked the shit out of every candy ass rider that tried to shit in the same toilet as me" holds what amounts to a press conference from podium.

In between shooting T-shirts out of his shirt cannon Colin answered several questions and offerred many comments.

...on Rossi:
"That dude can ride but acts a little homosexu..errr I'm sorry that is politically incorrect...acts a little ***** most of the time. I stayed at his house once. Last thing I remember was drinking a Red Bull Uccio had brought me from the kitchen. I woke up the next morning and I felt a little constipated. Vale and Rossi both looked tired but satisfied. I don't know WTF happenned."

...on Lorenzo:
"He got really tired of me standing behind him and acting like Goose. We are running way low on gas, Mav...Ha ha"

...on Pedrosa:
"It goes without saying I have shit bigger than him. Hell, my five year old daughter could kick his ass..."

...on Stoner:
"The only time I talked to him was when him and Adrianna were together. I asked her if he ****ed like he rode practice sessions...hit it as fast and hard as possible for 5 minutes then kick back and take a nap. He wasn't amused."

...on Honda:
"Honda? **** Honda."

...On Hayden:
"Nicky is probably the best rder in the world right now if you don't count nine or ten other guys, including a couple Australians that retired in the past two years..."

...on V4's:
"Not a huge fan of them although I won some races on one in the 90's. It's name escapes me at the moment..."
 

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Panigaliscious
Joined
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9,103 Posts
I felt strangely cleansed after writing that, sort of like when i used two teaspoons of ground flax seed in my grape nuts.
 
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