Joke friday

[Old Fart]

ABOUT FLYING...

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions in aviation are, "Why is it doing
that?", "Where are we?" and "Crap!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

An evolution in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude or brains: two are always needed to successfully
complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a
row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

We have a perfect record in aviation: we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
purpose of storing dead batteries.

Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to
urinate!

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground incapable of understanding it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Layton A. Bennett: Never fly the 'A' model of anything.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
kill you.

Jon McBride, astronaut: If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the
thing as far into the crash as possible.

Bob Hoover: If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it;
ride the sonofagun down.

Two signs over the entrance to the SR-71 pilot ready room on KadenaAB
Japan:

1. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I
Am At 80,000 Feet and Climbing.

2. You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.

Paul F Crickmore: Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a
good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few
opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time.

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.

2. Do not go near the edges of it.

3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,
buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult
to fly there.

[Old Fart]

Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Jeff slumped over the bar and
asks what's wrong.
"Well," replies Jeff, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I Wanted
to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Dave with a smile.
"Well," says Jeff, straightening up,
"I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Jeff, "but I was worried I'd
get an erection again. So I got some tape and secure my penis to my leg
with some really strong duct tape, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Dave.
"So I get to her door," says Jeff,"and I rang her doorbell.
She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "So what
happened then?"
Jeff slumps back over the bar again "I kicked her in the head."

[Gog]

lol

YouTube - Road Rage Knock Out Punch

foul language

[Gog]

What's the difference between a party girl and an anorexic party girl?
Well, with the party girl, she comes out of the cake. With the anorexic party girl...ew.

[Old Fart]

.....

[cheekybloke]

YouTube - How to marshall a Jet full version

[sqd8r]

Originally Posted by Red Enough

The remains of five children have been found in the search of a backyard in Jersey, England.

However, police say there is unlikely to be a murder inquiry because it's impossible to date the remains.

Gary Glitter says he's willing to give it a go.