Every thing you say and do just cements the fact that you are not happy with whom you are, feeling inadequate with your life. There is a obvious "cover up" of the real you. Most likely because you yourself dont know. This feeds your narcissism. Any reaction that you recieve from others, good or bad, doesnt deter you. You say and do things that most persons of sound mental health would not, and find very odd and self absorbed. But still you press on, feeding your demons.
This, as in most with your condition stems from issues birthed in childhood, abuse from a elder or parent. Sexual, physical or mental. Lack or participation from your parent, or the knowledge of who they are. Leading you to try and make your self "good enough" through the eyes of others. Finding the internet gives you the attention of the whole world, again feeding from their replies.
There is help, take some of that cash that you might have, and invest it into your self through a counselor. Everyone of your actions is a total cry for help, it screams it very loud. Audible to most everyone. Listen to it and find some therapy.
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